A Blood Clot/My Mother

My mother is in hospital: a blood clot in her lungs. Yesterday, when she and her man Rauno were on their way to practise with their amateur theatre group, her pace had slowed down as they were walking and she had started to breathe heavily, so Rauno had called an ambulance. The paramedics put an oxygen mask to her, and hurried her to the emergency from which she was moved to TAYS, the general hospital of Tampere.

She called me this morning and, still breathing with some considerable trouble, told me they had been having tests on her, found the blood clot and put her to medication. She has to stay in at least a week, she told me. I was relieved that her condition was not so bad that she couldn't have been able to call me herself. Still, some worry remains somewhere at the back of my mind even though I keep telling myself everything will be fine.

My mother will be 60 in November and she has suffered from heavy overweight for years, so it's understandable she has all sorts of ailments, but I suppose it's not easy for her or anyone else to get used to this new situation, to accept that she has to move at a slower pace now.

She has always been a very temperamental person -- heavy both physically and mentally, I'd say -- both prone to moodiness and angry outbursts affecting everyone around her when things do not go her way (unfortunately I seem to have inherited these sharp edges of her) and a tendency to introspective brooding and a care for her close ones which may show itself as endless worrying; also being quite impulsive at times, to the extent which can make life a rollercoaster ride to her close ones who want things being more secure and stable.

Well, she is far from dumb but being from the North of Finland she obviously is more a "nature child" than the people of the more steady temperament here in South; not able to beat around the bush or having much understanding towards some people's innuendo and stealthy behaviour. She's like a big bear, capable both of great anger and great tenderness.

She hasn't always made life easy for me, and I consciously have had to keep some distance to her sometimes because she's a kind of mother whose presence can be just too overbearing (to prove that I'm not some "Mama's boy", for chrissakes). But I suppose that's one part of everyone's growing up when you are going to find your own identity, something that makes you your own person and not a replica of your parents. I worry and care nevertheless.

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