Friday, March 11, 2005

A Fever Dream

I spent the early week sticking Eclectro Lounge's posters on bulletin boards. On Wednesday I felt the first symptoms of flu coming, and on Wednesday night fever rised. I was so hot that one could have probably fried eggs on my skin. I shivered under three blankets, and was probably a bit delirious since I had strangest sensations; half asleep, half awake. Time was lingering on painfully as if in slow motion; I had to rationalize my every thought and movement as if they were not self-evident any more: more like fragmented instead of the every-day normal, "automatic" state of continuum -- now I'm moving my hand, now I rise from the sofa, now I walk from the point x to the point y. It was all a bit like being drugged. From cold shivers my teeth started chattering against each other, and soon I realised it was rhythmic and accelerating as in shaman's drumming, probably meant to be trance-inducing. I was wondering if I was going to have an out-of-body experience.

Then, I don't know what happened but soon I dreamt (if that's the right word for my state of mind) of being back in the suburb Kaukajärvi of my childhood, and strangely I met myself as a child; a little boy in his flared trousers living in his fantasy world. And the most peculiar thing was that I was both myself as a child and as an adult, feeling as if being in a sort of "double exposure". It took place at the street of Järvikatu, near the pub called Kivitasku, where I used to buy Space: 1999 Trading Cards from a kiosk.

Me as a little boy was scared and lonely. Me as a grown-up tried to consolate this little boy, telling I was him, coming from the future the little boy was always dreaming about. I told him the future of 2005 was not exactly the sci-fi world of space stations, moonbases, and interstellar adventures (not at least yet), but fantastic in other ways such as with the Internet, mobile phones and so on (this probably sounds naïve now but remember I was not in my normal state of mind, it was more like being in the middle of fairy tale); there was not going to be a nuclear war (not at least by 2005), and everything was going to be fine in his life despite of all hard times he'd be through. I took him by the hand, and we flew over Kaukajärvi. And that's about all of it.