Monday, May 24, 2004

Dreams Are All We Have

I can't recall the time, when I first started to question society and its "supposed-to-dos". I only remember always feeling different, and suffering from the fact. Thinking: "What is wrong with me? Why can't I adjust?" Then I realised that perhaps it's not me that's wrong. That I really didn't have much of a choice; that I was only the combined product of my genes, upbringing, environment and so on, and mine were neither the best nor the worst. But instead of just accepting my mediocrity like the rest, I was smart/foolish enough to want more.

There were always secret places for me to go, and those places were inside my mind. I had a rich fantasy world, fed by books, comics, TV, films. Later on those were joined by music. I had a voracious appetite for anything that would take me out of my drab existence of suburbs, school and sedentary life. I think pHinnWeb is a direct reflection of that world of imagination, borne out of my whole lifetime of fantasy; dreams that kept me alive, and still do.

In the process it became more than just escapism. I recognised the fact that my world was not more "unreal" than the one of those struggling their whole lifetimes just to get by and make a living; dreaming the consumer dream of material wealth, status and social acceptance. My own dream only being a private one, not especially shared.