How close to the edge can you get before you fall?
Life is giving you no excuses, and you know know you can't linger in the lukewarm existence of majority. There are few resorts for a person like you, and most of them lead into danger or dead end. Alcoholism, addiction, madness, depravity -- or solitude, boredom, endless waiting for something that might never take place.
You seek for transcendence, a redemption in flesh and blood. And this is so, because our time has lost any faith in God or the existence of soul: physicality is the only discernible fact that we can be aware of (meaning the majority of us, of course).
Therefore the search for ever wilder kicks: sex, mutilation of body, getting adrenaline fix and kicks by any means imaginable. Just too bad this does not work that easily for us introverts, whose only recourse remain thus secret self-abuse, or quiet drinking in a dark corner of a bar as a wallrose/wallpaper, weeping in the pint. JAFO -- Just Another Fucking Observer.